Just as any important life decision, envisioning your endgame gives you the opportunity to determine the small steps needed from the beginning to achieve your vision. Your marriage is no different. While we can all picture being happy, healthy, and prosperous 30 years down the road, do we take actionable steps to build a relationship that works smoother, more efficiently, and with purpose?

Ask yourselves; What are you willing to do to equip yourself for the marathon of marriage?

The Harsh Reality of a Long-Term Commitment

These days it's easy to focus on all the things that could go wrong and live in fear of encountering any of them. But how much effort do we put into acquiring good habits and solid planning to keep growing together and finding a balance in life?

Gone are the days where you could jump into marriage and live out the next 50 years together. But then again, will it be with happiness?

Today, marital preparation is NON-NEGOTIABLE. Being aware of the value this investment is the only way to go forward.

Taking a premarital course is one of the best ways to start your journey together. You can read all the books and scour the internet for answers, but if you're not sitting down together, planning, strategizing, and defining what you want and need within your marriage, then you really aren't taking advantage in planning your long-term relationship.

Even before starting a marital preparation course, ask yourselves: "What is the real reason I want to spend the rest of my life with my partner?"  And don't just point out what you admire about them; go deeper. The real question is: "What do I want to accomplish in life with this person standing next to me?" Until you can convincingly list solid reasons for what you want to accomplish and why this person fits into all your visions, plans, and goals, you really have no idea what you are getting into.

Determining What's Needed in Old Age to Have a Great Marriage

So let's work backwards. What do you hope to accomplish once you've hit retirement age? Is it having peace in your life? Is it financial stability so you can travel more or find your perfect spot to retire? Is it optimal health, so most of your time is spent doing fun things instead of visiting doctors? Is it about finally having the time to do all the things you love doing with your partner, and you don't need to be eyeing the clock anymore? Is it about acquiring new hobbies or dreams, that have piqued your interest recently, because of your continued growth over the years? Is it about spending quiet nights being able to talk to your partner about anything and everything? Is it more laughter and social engagement that will be your driving force? Is it a continued fulfilling sex life, and enjoying the intimacy of flirtation, still feeling beautiful, respected, and appreciated by your partner? Is it feeling safe that your partner will be there beside you in hard times and uplift you when you feel you can't go on? Is it about being able to give back to a community or organization you want to support?

There can be a number of things for you to look forward to, but you need to clearly picture you and your partner in your happy place doing everything you love most. Only then can you work on defining the first 30 years leading towards your journey ahead. Planning those first years is crucial for your end goal. Creating a Marriage Life Plan is what will set you apart from the rest. Know what you want in your future, BUT ALSO plan and enjoy every year leading up to your goals by setting intentions that will bring you closer and add more happiness to everything you do in the present. It builds unity, understanding, and respect for one another.

By discussing what emotions, skills, and rewards you want to accomplish, you need to define who you are today and start tweaking your habits to become the best versions of yourselves. Self-awareness is the healthiest form of communication you can gift your partner. It means you are committed to improving, so that you can become a supportive and understanding spouse. It's about becoming vulnerable to your needs and desires and expressing them openly with your spouse. Each of you needs to invest in your marriage together to get to that sweet spot you envision in the future.

So how can marital education help with all of this? It lets you open your mind to What Can Be Possible. We're talking about the good and the hard. Marriage can definitely be wonderful, but there will always be slip ups and twists that knock you off your feet. Being proactive is the best way to prepare for what is to come.

A good pre-marital course will start you off with a self-assessment because sometimes, we all need to look in the mirror and define if we're on the right track or if we want to take a different road and implement any changes. This alone will be one of the more valuable exercises you can do for yourself. Either way, whether you love who you've become and value what you've achieved or see much room for improvement and want to make changes - the point is - today is a new day to start over if you choose to do so. Give yourself a gift by taking off the immense pressure you've put onto yourselves and define what you really want out of life. Once you set your intentions on the path you desire most, you will recognize yourself as a stronger partner standing next to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

This comes a long way into planning the first half of your marriage, building a better you, a stronger team, and a clearer vision of what you need out of life. Because if your needs are not being met, you will have doubts and resentment within the relationship. After all, you wouldn't stay in a job that didn't reward you in some way, help you grow, or fill your expectations. So why would you expect any less in your marriage?

Making good choices from the start is critical, and knowing how to make better choices comes by educating yourself. You can't possibly know what you haven't learned. And that's why marital education is so important from the start of your journey.

The Skills You Need Now for a Lifetime of Happiness

Your commitments to your marriage need clarity and some ground rules. Start by creating a vision. Think of it as a blank slate or a new beginning, so define how you want it to play out.

Your Communication

Talk about HOW you want to communicate—make it more than just words. In order to achieve good flowing communication in your golden years, you need to start implementing good habits from the beginning and stick to them. Imagine your daily chats; where you actions and your full attention show up regularly to support one another. It's not just about making promises; it's about creating a safe space that lets you tackle every life stage with more resilience and ease. As you go through the challenges of life together, your communication should stay consistent where you both feel heard, valued, respected, and where you don't play the blame game. The way you communicate with each other will grow with compassion or die with resentment. Building these skills takes constant awareness and a desire to do better every day. Don't end up like the older couple at the restaurant who have nothing to say to one another. Be the couple who always smiles together.

Financial Management

When picturing retirement, the way you've handled finances during your marriage will decide the comfort of your retirement. Money will keep challenging us all and keep putting us through an emotional rollercoaster, unless we get financially literate. After all, managing your finances is purely a numbers game, so make sure to keep your emotions in check when discussing your finances. It's time to change your mindset and fears about money by learning how to control it so that it doesn't control you. Defining your relationship with money is another game-changer. We all want it and we all need it, but once you learn and plan the principles that work best for you, you can then go through life treating it as an exchange of goods. Money will come and money will go - and creating a good balancing act is what you need for success. Being transparent and planning good financial goals is how you secure your future. We all want to be debt free and not have to think about money, especially in our retirement years, so start today and learn everything you need to know about finances and don't be afraid to ask financially successful couples how they did it. This is a big investment into your well being. Relieving the stresses of money in your marriage will a tremendous step forward to a long prosperous life together. Be the couple who did the work right from the beginning.

Living with Resilience

How do you handle life when it gives you lemons? Are you reactive, proactive or passive? Your emotional strength will determine how you can handle tough days not just for your own well being but also as a couple. By embracing change and learning to adapt to life's challenges together, recognizing that flexibility is crucial for long-term happiness. Building better habits for conflict resolution or tackling your fears head on, will change your world. Taking a marital preparation course will help you to arm yourselves in advance against life's challenges. Understanding the intricacies of marriage allows you to proactively plan for the future, enabling thoughtful decision-making and strategic choices well before any potential crises emerge. Each time you consciously make good decisions you gain more control and will realize how much you're capable of doing. It's giving yourselves the power to face the future with confidence. Show up with confidence, live with self esteem and believe that you can do anything you put your mind to. Every action in the right direction will make your golden years that much easier.

Your Intimacy & Sustaining the Flame for Empty Nesters

Yes, you finally get to have sex and don't have to keep your voice down! We all look forward to this once we start having kids. There is absolutely no reason to think that you couldn't still enjoy sexual satisfaction and intimate moments in your golden years. But like anything else, we need to keep nurturing these emotions towards one another and practice new ways to bring us pleasure and avoid repetitive ways that don't quite cut it anymore.

Let's be real—when there's no intimacy in a marriage, it will be like living with a roommate. Picture a relationship where you're missing out on affection, flirting, and those sweet gestures that make you feel truly valued. Human connection is a big deal; it seriously affects how we feel. As the years roll on, it's important to keep finding new ways to connect intimately. If one partner is tired of the same old routine and the other won't mix things up, it can lead to a disconnection in the marriage. So, it's key for both of you to understand how the other likes to give and receive affection, keeping that heartfelt connection strong.

Carving out time away from the bedroom to openly discuss and explore your intimate needs is crucial. Whether it's desiring more frequent intimacy, trying different positions, or introducing toys, having honest conversations is a fantastic way to kickstart exploration and deepen your affection. Sexual discussions don't need to be awkward; a quality pre-marital course can offer guidance on expressing your sexual needs openly. The attention you invest in understanding each other's needs plays a significant role in whether your partner seeks satisfaction elsewhere. Embrace small steps today, be receptive to new ideas, and nurture your love for each other in various ways daily. Let's get excited about taking our passions into the future.

Neglecting the Value

With so much going on in life (careers, groceries, cooking, housework, etc.), it will be easy for you to start neglecting what's important in your marriage. Before life becomes overwhelming, it's vital to get your good habits in check. Starting your marriage with a marital course will bring you awareness to the detriments of neglect and where you need to make improvements. Each time you neglect the relevance of being a supportive partner, the more distance you create. Cultivating strong supporting habits becomes a good unconscious skill that will only strengthen and benefit your future together. Take charge by doing all the little things that will nurture your relationship and help it grow into a life worth sharing in the future. The goal is to be valued in our golden years and appreciate all the little things you both have to offer.

Investing Time & Effort

In your retirement years, you'll have the benefit of time on your side. Don't wait until then to decide what to do with it. If you haven't spent a lot of time during your marriage doing the things that excite you both together, then what are you waiting for? A couple that grows together - stays together. Do you have control of your time? If you don't, then how can you change this? We all have the same 24 hours in a day; it's up to you to make it count. Where do you place your priorities? How much time are you investing in your lives together as a married couple? Do you think your partnership can survive the long run with the amount of effort you are currently placing into your marriage? These are heavy questions, but they all revert back to; "Why did you want to marry your partner and what were you hoping to accomplish together?" Your lives together should have purpose. You aren't just roomies; you are a power force that can conquer anything together. So, what's your plan? Having a vision and sharing your desires are a great way to create your unique Marital Life Plan. Investing in your marriage and time will always be on your side.

Finding Happiness Every Day

The world is a very serious place to live. Where is your focus at? Do you easily absorb bad vibrations around you, or do you deflect them? How often do you smile every day? How do you show up at the front door after a full day at work? How you see the world starts with you. You set the stage of how your day will develop. You control who is in charge. Choosing happiness above all else is the glue for your relationship. We all hope to live a long life of happiness, but how much effort do we place on practicing and living in happiness today? It's an investment that doesn't cost you anything, so it should be very high on your list of priorities. When you decide that happiness comes first, you then come to peace with your ego. Arguing and being right, no longer have relevance, and life flows with ease. If you work on mastering this from the beginning together, you are sure to celebrate many happy anniversaries in the future.

The Danger of Living Comfortably

Unfortunately, many older couples don't live fulfilling marriages together and don't necessarily want to leave one another for the fear of starting over again. Their lives have become a familiar discomfort. In North America alone, 56% of marriages end up in divorce and 30% of couples live together in unhappy marriages. With these statistics, your odds are not off to a good start, UNLESS you take action today in making your marriage a priority. Setting goals is a great way to build purpose in your lives. You should have 1yr, 5yr, and 10yr goals in your Life Plan. Goals don't all involve money. You can create; better communication goals, finding communities to immerse yourselves in together, finding fun hobbies you both can enjoy or maybe have a goal to improve your level of intimacy. Challenge yourselves with growth and think out of the box by creating a life worth living. Make sure your the couple in the future that wakes up each morning excited to spend more time with one another.

The Cost of Ignorance: A Wake-Up Call

Learning about Red Flags and Mental Disorders before you start dating should be a mandatory course. Unfortunately, we seem to learn these traumas as we go through life. Learning that domestic violence can take on many forms, like Physical abuse, Sexual abuse, Verbal abuse, Mental abuse, Financial abuse and Cultural/Identity abuse, can all be an eye-opener. With mental disorders on the rise, you need to know the obvious signs of a Narcissist, a Sociopath, Bipolar disorder, Obsessive Compulsive disorders, PTSD and others. Take the time to do your research and protect yourselves through awareness. Understanding the signs of manipulating behaviors can save you from traumas that can shake your whole world upside down.

And we can't emphasize enough the importance of creating healthy boundaries. Practice setting in place boundaries that will clarify where other people cross the line and what you will no longer tolerate. Make them clear to everyone around you. Avoid being a punching bag or a people pleaser. Life is too short to be unhappy. Clearing up these potential disturbances at the beginning, ensure that you will live strong by your principles. 

Not sure where to start? 

At The Marriage Degree our mission is, to help couples like you, get the tools, knowledge, and support you need, to create your own unique Marital Life Plan.

“Mastering Matrimony” is a comprehensive Marital Preparation Program, that leaves nothing out because Great Marriages doesn't just happen – They Are Created. 

Don't forget to join our Face Book Group today "Let's Talk about Marital Preparation"

Let us be your guide on this incredible journey. 

Click on the link below