The Marriage Crisis: Why Couples Are Hesitating to Commit

Today's couples only know what they see and experience around them - and unfortunately, marriage hasn't been modeled as a healthy relationship in recent decades. In my conversations with singles, many question whether marriage should be part of their future. They fear its outcome and potential emotional trauma. The statistics aren't encouraging: 54% of today's marriages end in divorce, while another 30% continue in unhappy unions. These numbers hardly inspire confidence in matrimony.

What many singles don't realize is that marriage isn't defined by what they observe around them. Marriage is an agreement two people consciously design together.

The fears about marriage often start as quiet whispers within ourselves, growing louder as we contemplate this life-changing commitment. You might lie awake at night wondering what marriage really means to you, beyond the traditional definitions you've inherited. There's that nagging worry about losing your independence - will every decision now need to be a joint venture? The thought of intimacy with one person forever might make you question whether the passion can truly last. You've worked hard to become who you are, cultivating passions and pursuing personal growth. Will all that take a backseat to married life?

Then there's the reality check that hits after the fairy-tale wedding plans fade away. You start to imagine having to explain your choices to another person for the rest of your life. Perhaps you're concerned your partner will shine a spotlight on your weaknesses - those financial habits you're not proud of, your sometimes questionable decisions, those deep-seated insecurities, or lifestyle choices you've grown comfortable with. And what about those hobbies you cherish, your personal goals, your desire to keep growing as an individual? Will there still be room for all of that in a marriage.

Perhaps you worry about who your partner might become after saying "I Do." Hollywood has conditioned us to view partner selection as a gamble, with true colors only emerging after marriage.

Maybe you don’t like who you are as a single person and hope that marriage will give you purpose, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Your partner will never give you complete happiness if you haven’t found it within yourself first.

It's time to reprogram your fears. Marriage isn't about restrictions or losing yourself.

Instead, envision your marriage as a union of two complete individuals who consciously begin with unlimited potential for mutual growth while still maintaining your individual identity.

Before you even think about marriage, take time to get crystal clear on what you want from life. Paint a vivid picture of your ideal future - not just the house and career, but the deeper emotional fulfillments you're seeking. Really dig into why these things matter to you. What makes them essential to your happiness? Spend time getting to know yourself through honest self-assessment. Only then are you ready to seek a partner who truly complements your life vision.

When you do start looking for that special someone

Focus on finding a person whose values align naturally with yours. The right partner will demonstrate unwavering trustworthiness and consistent respect in their actions, not just their words. Look for emotional stability - someone who can weather life's storms with grace. Strong communication skills are non-negotiable; they'll be your foundation for navigating both challenges and celebrations together. Most importantly, their goals should harmonize with yours, creating a shared vision for the future you can both be excited about.

If you're already in a relationship

It's time for some honest reflection. What sparks those heated moments between you? Pay attention to any unresolved disagreements that keep resurfacing - they're trying to tell you something. Take a step back and observe how your partner handles life's ups and downs. Are they emotionally steady, or do you find yourself walking on eggshells?

Think about your communication. Can you share your deepest thoughts without fear of judgment? Do you feel safe being vulnerable with them? Trust your instincts here - if something feels off, don't brush those red flags under the rug. And perhaps most importantly, ask yourself if you envision them as a life partner and potential parent. Do their actions align with the future you're dreaming of?

Now, for my engaged couples

Congratulations! But your real work begins now. Now it’s time to start asking a whole other set of questions. Start making a game plan of what you want to achieve, how you will coexist and how will you support and nurture each other for the long run. You need to talk about how to build a system where everyday tasks don’t turn into the blame game or wonder why things aren’t getting done. It’s time to decide how to build a healthy financial systems in place so it can fund your life and goals.

Don't forget about the emotional foundation. Which needs will fuel you to feel valued and appreciated? Set clear healthy boundaries early on and decide what behaviors are absolute deal-breakers? How will you communicate when things get tough? Take the time to discuss your expectations and how you will supporting each other through this journey. It’s more important than you think.

Having these important talks helps erase fears about your future together. When you discuss everything openly, you gain a clear understanding of what marriage means to both of you. You'll know exactly what you're committing to and what you each expect from one another. This clarity creates a strong foundation that brings peace and purpose to your shared life.

Yes it’s daunting to have to bring up these questions, but it’s the only way to have a fighting chance to create a marriage that can last. And I’m not saying something that works on paper, but fills your existence with happiness, connection and respect.

There are many questions for every stage of your life, but are you asking them? Or are you afraid to get answers that will disappoint you?

The only way a marriage can work is when 2 emotionally stable people come together and intentionally create a life that will enrich both souls. Don’t competing against one another to get validation. Instead work hard at the beginning of the marriage towards building a life of purpose.

FIGHT your Fears by asking the HARD Questions that will give you Answers. Sure, sometimes in life, you won’t get the answers you’re looking for. Whatever it is, if it’s not addressed right away, it will fester in the marriage and end up becoming a bigger issue than you ever expected. 

All the biggest problems in the world have been overcome by asking the difficult questions and seeking answers.

Because only then, will you understand what your facing and start working towards a solution.

Don't let fear hold you back - create the life you deserve.

The Challenge:

The "New Together" Challenge Each month, commit to learning something new as a couple. Take an online cooking class, learn a language, try rock climbing - anything neither of you has done before. When you're both beginners, you create equal ground and build new neural pathways together. Plus, sharing new experiences creates stronger emotional bonds than routine activities.

Not sure where to start? 

At The Marriage Degree, we ask the tough questions you might hesitate to bring up. Mastering Matrimony is our comprehensive Marital Preparation Program that Leaves Nothing Out - because Great Marriages doesn't just happen – They Are Created. 

We understand that navigating sensitive conversations about your future can feel overwhelming. That's why we've created an approach that leaves no stones unturned, empowering you to address everything.

Our mission isn't to fit your marriage into someone else's template. Instead, we help you become aware of what it takes to be properly prepared for marriage, help you envision, design, and build the exact partnership you've always dreamed of. We want to help you become the architects of your lives together, by providing the tools you need to create a life that's authentically yours.

Let us be your guide on this incredible journey towards happiness.

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