Nervous About Marital Prep? Top 10 Fears Addressed

You've found the one, you're madly in love, and you're ready to take the plunge into marriage. But when someone suggests a marital preparation course, you both freeze up. Don't worry; you're not alone! Many couples feel hesitant about these courses. Let's dive deep into the top 10 fears that might be holding you back and why they shouldn't stop you from investing in your relationship's future.

1. "What if we discover we're not compatible?"

It's natural to worry that a course might uncover deal-breaking differences. The fear of finding out you're incompatible can be paralyzing. But here's the truth: understanding your differences before marriage is a strength, not a weakness. 

These courses are designed to help you explore your values, goals, and expectations in a constructive way. They provide a safe space to discuss important topics you might not have considered before. Remember, no couple is 100% compatible – it's about how you navigate your differences that matters.

Many couples actually find that these courses bring them closer together. They discover shared values they didn't know they had, and learn how to appreciate and work with their differences. It's an opportunity to build a stronger foundation for your marriage.

2. "We don't want to be judged."

No one likes feeling scrutinized, especially when it comes to something as personal as their relationship. You might worry that the course facilitator or other couples will look down on you for your relationship dynamics or personal views.

However, marital preparation facilitators are professionals trained to guide, not judge. Their goal is to support your relationship, not critique it. They've seen all kinds of couples and understand that each relationship is unique. But if you prefer to do the program without a 3rd party, there are options of taking a program yourselves in privacy. 

You'll likely find that other couples share similar concerns and challenges. Remember, everyone is there for the same reason – to strengthen their relationship.

3. "We're scared to talk about the tough stuff."

Money, kids, in-laws, intimacy – these topics can feel like landmines in a relationship. It's tempting to avoid them to keep the peace. But addressing them early on can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection.

Marital preparation courses provide you with tools and frameworks to discuss these sensitive topics productively. You'll learn communication techniques that help you express your feelings and needs without attacking or blaming your partner.

Many couples find that once they start these conversations, they're not as scary as they imagined. In fact, tackling these issues head-on often brings a sense of relief and closeness. You're building a skill that will serve you throughout your marriage – the ability to face challenges together.

4. "Being vulnerable is terrifying."

Opening up about fears, insecurities, and expectations can feel like you're exposing your soft side. It's a scary prospect, especially if you're not used to being emotionally vulnerable.

But vulnerability is the birthplace of intimacy. These courses provide a safe space to practice this crucial relationship skill. These programs create an environment where you feel secure sharing your thoughts and feelings.

As you practice vulnerability in the course, you'll likely find that it becomes easier over time. Many couples report that this aspect of the course significantly deepens their emotional connection. Remember, your partner chose you – all of you. Sharing your authentic self strengthens your bond.

 5. "We don't have time for this."

Between work, social commitments, and wedding planning, time is precious. Adding another item to your to-do list might feel overwhelming. You might think, "We're fine as we are. Do we really need to make time for this?"

But consider this: investing time now can save you years of miscommunication and conflict later. Think of it as preventive maintenance for your relationship. Just like you'd service your car to prevent breakdowns, this course helps you build skills to navigate future challenges smoothly.

Many courses offer flexible schedules. Some even provide online alternatives. When you weigh the long-term benefits against the short-term time investment, most couples find it's well worth the effort.

6. "It's too expensive."

Quality relationship education does come at a cost, and it's natural to bark at adding another expense to your budget, especially when you're planning a wedding. You might wonder if it's really worth the money.

However, when you compare it to the average wedding expense – or the potential cost of divorce – it's a bargain investment in your future happiness. Think of it as an insurance policy for your relationship. The skills you learn can save you thousands in potential therapy costs down the line.

Some religious institutions offer these courses for free or at a reduced cost. There are also comprehensive   online options that can be more budget-friendly. Remember, you're investing in the quality of your life together – that's priceless.

7. "What if it jinxes our relationship?"

This superstition is more common than you might think. You're happy now, and there's a fear that examining your relationship too closely might somehow invite problems. It's the relationship equivalent of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

But preparing for marriage doesn't tempt fate; it equips you to handle whatever life throws your way as a team. It's like saying learning first aid might cause you to get hurt. In reality, you're just preparing yourself to handle potential challenges more effectively.

Couples who take these courses often report feeling more confident about their decision to marry. They feel reassured knowing they've proactively addressed potential issues and are on the same page about important aspects of their life together.

8. "We don't want to be forced into a cookie-cutter relationship."

You might worry that a marital preparation course will try to mold your unique relationship into some sort of "ideal" that doesn't fit you. Perhaps you fear being told there's only one right way to have a relationship.

Good marital courses don't prescribe a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, they provide tools for you to shape your unique relationship vision together. These courses recognize that every couple is different, with their own values, goals, and dynamics.

What you'll gain are communication skills, conflict resolution techniques, and insights into yourselves and each other. How you apply these in your relationship is up to you. Think of it as adding tools to your relationship toolkit – you decide how and when to use them.

9. "I'm not good at this relationship stuff."

Maybe you didn't have great relationship role models growing up. Or perhaps you've struggled in past relationships. You might feel like you're not equipped to handle the course material or that you'll be the "problem student" in the class.

Feeling unprepared is normal. That's exactly why these courses exist – to give you the skills and confidence to navigate married life successfully. Everyone starts somewhere, and these courses are designed for couples at all levels of relationship experience.

You might even find that your past struggles give you valuable insights to share with others. And remember, you're not being graded. The only measure of success is how much you and your partner grow together.

10. "We're happy now. Why rock the boat? 

When everything feels perfect, it's tempting to avoid anything that might potentially raise issues. You might think, "We're already happy. We don't need this course."

But marriage is a lifelong journey, not a destination. Preparation now can help you maintain that happiness through the inevitable ups and downs of life. It's like learning to swim in calm waters so you're prepared when the seas get rough.

These courses can help you appreciate and reinforce what's already working well in your relationship. They also give you tools to maintain your happiness long-term. Many couples find that the course actually increases their current happiness by deepening their understanding of each other.

Embracing the Journey

Marital preparation courses aren't about pointing out flaws or creating problems. They're about building a toolkit for a strong, lasting partnership. By facing these fears head-on, you're already taking a crucial step towards a resilient marriage.

Remember, seeking education and support for your relationship isn't a sign of weakness – it's a testament to how much you value your partnership and your shared future. It shows that you're committed to not just getting married, but to having a strong, healthy, and lasting marriage.

Every couple faces challenges. The difference lies in how prepared you are to face them together. A marital preparation course equips you with the skills to turn potential stumbling blocks into stepping stones for a stronger relationship.

So, take a deep breath, hold hands, and take that step together. Embrace this opportunity to deepen your connection, enhance your communication, and lay a solid foundation for your life together. Your future selves will thank you for it!

Remember, the strongest relationships aren't those that never face problems – they're the ones that know how to work through challenges together. By investing in a marital preparation course, you're not just preparing for a wedding; you're preparing for a lifetime of love, growth, and partnership.

Not sure where to start? 

At The Marriage Degree our mission is, to help couples like you, get the tools, knowledge, and support you need, to create your own unique Marital Life Plan.

“Mastering Matrimony” is a comprehensive Marital Preparation Program, that leaves nothing out because Great Marriages doesn't just happen – They Are Created. 

Don't forget to join our Face Book Group today "Let's Talk about Marital Preparation"

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